I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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