Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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