she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
