The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
