Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
