I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Randomize
