thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
