First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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