Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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