i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize