My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
