alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
