there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She made me pour olive oil on her.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
