I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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