I looked at my own cervix.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
