I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize