Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
