I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
