Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
