I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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