her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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