ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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