I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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