How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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