I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got her a Nickelback box set.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
