fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
