I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
