I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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