My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
