Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
