Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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