everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize