I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
