I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
