Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
