3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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