Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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