I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
