Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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