God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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