I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
