I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
