3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
