Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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