Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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