If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
