Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
