Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
