but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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