She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Who died my cat blue again?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
