Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
