Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He passed out mid-signature
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
