i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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