It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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