I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
