Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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