i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just gift wrapped bread.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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