I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
