i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
