We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
These tits shall not be calmed
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