We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
