I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
