I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
