I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
