At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
